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Voice Post [26 Aug 2010|12:15am]
272K 1:44
(no transcription available)
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[01 Apr 2008|07:02pm]
i use an old livejournal now. if you want me to add you, comment on this. if not... then i guess i won't? we'll see? i don't know.
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[25 Feb 2008|04:14pm]

diana took this almost two weeks ago.
he was always trying to make me dance.

and yet another amazing person leaves my life.
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he [08 Feb 2008|12:25pm]
is perfect to me. why people try to mess with it, i don't understand.
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mexico city [29 Jan 2008|09:25pm]
i am here, and i have come to the conclusion that you are certainly everywhere. i have aquiesced to my opposition, willingly. i have faced the brave people who made me capable of taking it into my hands and turning it over, and over, and looking at it slowly, and finally swallowing their love, like a thor ned pill.
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[24 Dec 2007|05:51pm]
i won't deny, i do feel scorned, mostly because you were the past person i would have expected to make me feel so unworthy. i have to work on being less naive.
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here comes the flood, anything to thin the blood... [22 Dec 2007|10:31pm]
look up, what do you see? all of you and all of me.

fluourescent and starry, some of them, they surprise.
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[09 Dec 2007|09:58pm]
if i could earn by want, i would have had a million times by now.
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and may you find all your relations will keep you free. [09 Dec 2007|02:13am]
"I saw it coming. I just thought that you should know I'm feeling better every day. I'm only waiting if you stay, so don't feel bad. Your faith was an illusion and you're as loyal as your faith will let you be."
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[05 Dec 2007|03:21pm]
car accident on sunday, my door is ugly and this woman is trying to blame me for her "aching" leg when she hit me at about 2 mph, and it started miraculously hurting six hours later. she bleaches her hair and lives off of disability. that should pretty much explain the type of person she is.

monday, i spent eight hours in court trying to get the da to believe that i didn't steal betsy's license or try to impersonate her. they decided to investigate further so i go back in a few weeks. hopefully the part where we look nothing alike should help.

i stayed up all night and watched the sunrise. then some lady backed into my car at the bank. i told her not to worry about it. i can't deal with anymore shit. well, actually, maybe the scariest part of this is that i could deal with more shit. i just don't want to.
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[30 Nov 2007|12:00am]
my insecurities are often mistaken for confidence. i strut around like i know what i'm doing, but i'm really just trying to find the nearest exit. my carelessness if often mistaken for beauty, my innocence is mistaken for aggression. the man who owns the mexican place told me i'm too pretty too smoke so much, but i just want to be beautiful, i just want you to think i'm beautiful.
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[26 Nov 2007|04:53pm]
i'm in the best place i've been in my entire life. maybe it's just a part of growing up, maybe it's just a part of growing increasingly jaded or callous. time just goes by faster and faster and things get to me less and less.

i'm appreciative of everything i've been through and all of the terrible mistakes i've made the past couple years. i was too young to do half of the shit i did in the past couple years, but i'm happy to be done with it and to have learned my lessons. i'm sure i will just keep learning more, i'm still just a girl, afterall.

i used to think, when i was younger, that if i got into enough trouble someone would finally come and help me. now i know that everything i get myself into, i have to get myself out of.

there is no one here to protect me, and there never was when i was younger, so it's up to me to get myself through life unharmed. i've finally stopped thinking someone is going to come along and save me. i've finally stopped wishing i could have my childhood back. all a part of growing up, i'm sure, but i'm glad i finally get it.

most people with histories like mine have two paths they can choose from. one is the path of the aggressor; they try to take control in every way in an attempt to feel safe or normal. they may want the job, the house, the kids. they want to fit in and forget what made them who they are.

the other path is the path of the victim. they go through life reenacting the same scenes with different people. the same bruises from new men. i'm going to go out on a limb and say a large part of them find something self destructive they can cling to, like stripping, or drugs, or abusive relationships.

i don't want to be these people. i want to be my own person. i want to keep my heart, i want to keep my life. i don't want something from the past to control me for the rest of my life. i want to be able to look back at my decisions and know that i made them because i wanted to, not because it was in my nature or because i was conditioned to make that kind of choice.

i could go on and on, but this is what i've been thinking about...
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naive [25 Nov 2007|12:40am]
and vulnerable.
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[12 Nov 2007|10:37am]
but i left because i can't do this again.
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[10 Nov 2007|12:40am]
i just bought my plane ticket for michoacan in january. now let's see if i can find a reason to come back.
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[09 Nov 2007|12:53am]
something is terribly wrong with me, i just can't bear to face it.
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[31 Oct 2007|05:38pm]
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[31 Oct 2007|12:02pm]
i love all i've seen so much, seems easily forgotten,
seems easily lost upon your lips.
2 comments|post comment

[26 Oct 2007|09:24am]
you talk so sweet until the going gets tough.

don't say you'll change after the next time.
you wouldn't even be yourself if you weren't telling a lie.

you've got an answer for every little thing.
and you can't even tell me where you've been.

my face couldn't make you leave it behind.

[21 Oct 2007|05:19pm]
"staring at the entrance, i prayed for your wounds to close.
tiger ointment and cosmic collision, and the crucifixion of the rose."
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